Pestering
by newslayer
Summary: (SawyerKate) Some questions don't need an answer. That doesn't make wondering any less hard. Especially when certainty grants them absolutely nothing.


**Pestering**

**Disclaimer:** Lost does not belong to me in any way. That being said, let me add I don't trust very much the people who actually do own the show...

**Author's Note:** This is Sawyer and Kate centered in that it deals, well, with them and their interaction. That doesn't mean this is necessarily a romance fic.

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_Communication: the way people express themselves so that other people will realize how they feel and why they behave the way they do, and be sympathetic._

Both have known for quite some time now that easy answers are only a poor substitute for a truth that comes with a price, so they ask all the hard questions.

_"If you want to drink, you've got to play"_  
_"Play what?"_  
_"I never... Call it a way to get to know each other better."_

Both also think that in this case the price is ridiculous.

Somebody said once that the reason why cats and dogs, two species which are so similar biologically speaking, don't get along- and never will- lies in an almost involuntary action: tail wagging.

Apparently, dogs innately wag their tails to signal they are happy and pleased whereas cats do so as a sign of hostility.

Nature's oldest, fiercest rivalry comes down to the inability to understand.

Then again, don't they all?

_"What's for dinner, hon-"_  
_"Not now."_

She spends her days looking for things to do, afraid that any moment of solitude may allow reality to hit her like a freight train. So she becomes what she can't afford to be, a social hopper, meddling in everybody's lives and problems. Even his. Especially his.

He spends his days looking at her, trying to find a moment of solitude to escape the reality that has already hit him. So he meddles in her life and ends up doing exactly what he refuses to do: interacting, by association with her, with everybody else.

Their success is only partial.

He wonders what is so magnetic about her, what makes everybody so obviously drawn to her. He knows fairly well that she was the one wearing the cuffs on the plane, after she admitted to have killed a man. She is a criminal, and that doesn't really fit with the description of someone appealing.

But he doesn't really need an answer because he already feels the effect of whatever it is makes her irresistible, on him. And that makes him doubt everything he is supposed to know about her.

She wonders what is so magnetic about him, what has made him so irresistible for women throughout his whole life. She knows fairly well he is willing to do anything to save himself in spite of others; he has said as much. He is selfish, infuriating and utterly disgusting. Definitely not anyone's choice.

But logic arguments are lost on her because she is already feeling herself slip under his spell. And that invalidates anything she might have thought she knows for sure about him.

That doesn't prevent any of them from wondering further on; it only encourages it.

Innate curiosity is one of the biological similarities they share.

She wonders why he has been so interested in isolating himself from the group since day one. She knows it must have a lot to do with his background but she doubts his intentions. She can't quite place the carefully studied smug, scornful look in his eyes with which he addresses everybody, even her. She figures she could isolate himself as well without hiding the fact that he is a good person.

But is he?

He wonders her reasons for making him her pet project, even when his hostility towards Sayid and Jack has been bluntly established since day one. He figures it must have to do with her being not as righteous as they think, and he can't forget that look of contempt that appears every now and then on her face while she's looking at him. But he can't quite grasp why she would put herself on Jack's bad side when she is so obviously into him.

But is she?

_"I never cared about having carte blanche because I just wanted to spend some time with the only other person on this island that just don't belong."_

There are lots of things they ignore about each other. He wonders why she is so initially reluctant to tell him about her, only to answer every question he asks with pure, unadulterated truth. She wonders why he refuses to open up when she questions him, when he is so keen on telling her things without her even asking.

Both wonder why the other chose to stay in the beach, even when they are so completely pessimistic about the possibility of being rescued.

Of course there are things they both know for sure, about each other and about themselves.

She knows he uses her to get under Jack's skin and piss the doctor off as much as he can. He knows she uses him to make Jack jealous and spice things up with the doctor.

They, Sawyer and Kate, can't stand each other most of the time.

But he knows it's come down to the point where with little effort she can make him do anything. And she knows that no matter what he does or says, she will keep coming back to him.

Certainty does not grant comprehension in any way, though.

They know they can butt heads all they want; mere understanding maybe forever beyond their reach.

Perhaps English is a language too clear for them to use. Too straightforward. Or maybe it is already a language too complicated for what they have to express.

Maybe that's why dark languages rarely survive.

Because in order to understand they need to go beyond words and feel each other. To cut the other open to see if they bleed, to see if they are alive.

Then again, that's what those games of 'I Never' are all about in the first place.

Asking all the hard, painful questions.

_

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Written by Mary S._


End file.
